I often worry about priorities and what is important in life. I make to-do lists; I get frustrated with myself when I don’t accomplish what I have deemed to be reasonable (and usually isn’t); I worry about little, minute details of life; I stress about almost everything. What does all that worry and stress and driven perfectionism accomplish? Do I actually think that I am always doing what is important?
In fact, I often feel like I have wasted my days. For instance, I spent almost three hours in Target this morning agonizing over the purchase of some baby clothes. Three hours! Are those clothes that important? Definitely not. But I certainly acted like they were. I spent 1/8 of my day worrying about them. I made them that important rather than focusing on things that are truly important (not the fifty-six cents I saved by using my 10% off coupon and carefully selecting the ideal baby dress).
However, rather than beat myself up about it any more than I already have, I found this quote.
This helped me realize that while I consciously have decided that I waste time stressing and worrying and being a perfectionist, I unconsciously have decided that those activities are important because I spend my life doing them. However, this is something that I want to change. I want to relax and be more flexible and spontaneous. And I want to enjoy my life more, after all, I am exchanging part of my life for everything that I do, so I should make it worthwhile.
I haven’t been particularly faithful to writing recently. Part of it has to do with not having internet access at home. Part of it has to do with laziness and insecurity – sometimes I just don’t feel like I’m a writer at all, let alone a good writer. And part of it has to do with writer’s block. I simply don’t know what to say.
Or do I?
Over dinner, John, a friend, and I discussed writer’s block… yes, we are all nerds. My friend made an interesting point… if we are discussing something we are interested in, we never ever have talker’s block. So why do we have writer’s block? Why not just write the thoughts we have?
Honestly, I don’t just write my thoughts because I want to be a perfect writer. I’m such a perfectionist that I inhibit myself. I really should try to get over that. And this blog will be the space in which I try to do so. Hence this post actually.
So while I’m still not committing to writing daily, I will try to write more frequently. I do have a few good rants/thoughts/subjects that I’m contemplating on life, work, and people. That pretty much encompasses just about everything now, doesn’t it? I’ll leave you to speculate for now…