Post #51 – Music that cheers me up

Music.  I love it!  Music is just part of who I am.  When I started  college, I chose to major in Piano Performance.  Playing the piano, accompanying, and listening to and discovering new music was my life.  I defined myself by music.  Then during sophomore year, I suffered a permanent wrist injury and had to change majors.  Anyway, all this to say that music is an integral part of my life.

When I am down, two different kinds of music cheer me up.  Sometimes I just need cheerful, uplifting, happy music.  Something with a beat, like Usher or Taio Cruz.  Or something soothing like Coldplay or Jason Mraz.  Or my current standby anytime favorites Maroon 5 and OneRepublic.

But sometimes I just need to really explore my sadness.  Why am I down?  So I listen to darker music, like Linkin Park and Evanescence.  Or any song that really fits what I am going through.

So that is my rather embarrassing confession of music that I listen to when I am down.  When I am happy, just about anything that isn’t most country, Gregorian chants, Miley Cyrus, or highly repetitive goes.  I love discovering new and indie music.  I also enjoy most (though less and less) popular radio.  Music affects my moods.   I like it.  Music and I are great friends!

Behind Your Eyes

If you let your feelings go, dear
It’s scary what you’ll find
I find I’m on your street, dear
And you’re always on my mind

And no one needs to know
That you let me in tonight
That you let me see the world behind your eyes
Behind your eyes

I want to see us work, dear
To reach the other side
Our treachery is love, dear
We’re on both ends of the fight

We’re fighting for ourselves
We’re fighting for our lives
Would you let me see the world behind your eyes
Behind your eyes
Behind your eyes

And no one needs to know
How scared we are tonight
Would you let me see the world
Won’t you let me see the world behind your eyes
Behind your eyes
Behind your eyes

The lyrics to this song really struck me while I was attempting to study this afternoon.  I have a friend who is hurt, bothered, frustrated, and annoyed that I don’t open up.  Honestly, it hurts me that I struggle to open up to my friends too.  I think my friend would agree that this song voices his desire.  He cares about me more than I am able to realize and admit sometimes.  And that realization kills me because I long to trust him.  I care about him too.  I know he is my friend; he will be there for me.  Regardless.

life in technicolor ii

Ok, so I awoke quite early this morning to finish and proofread a paper on the resistance and subversion of mainstream culture by San Francisco Renaissance poets that is due at 10:30.  While sitting in Starbucks (yes, caffeine was essential to the success of this endeavor), my friend sent me a link to a video through gmail chat.  I decided to take a momentary repreive from my writing and view it.  Hilarious.  I happen to really enjoy Coldplay, especially their latest album because it reminds me of this past summer.  Yes.  Anyway, my mind is completely absorded in the concept of spontaneity as a response to rationality and logic, so I’ll keep this brief before I bore you all with the details. . . just thought I’d share the video.  🙂

You Found Me

Music touches me in a way that is truly indescribable.  This song echoes the cries of my heart at times. . .

You Found Me – The Fray

I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, Where you been?
He said, Ask anything.

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who’s ever known
Who I am
Who I’m not, and who I want to be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

Early morning
The city breaks
I’ve been calling
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve
Taking all I want

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you, where were you?

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

Why’d you have to wait
To find me, to find me?

Sometimes I feel as if God isn’t there.  As if He isn’t listening to me.  As if He doesn’t care.  I don’t understand what goes on in my life.  Why life happens the way it does.  Sometimes I feel as if life is all falling down around me.  Yet, I have learned from experience that God is always there for me.  He is always in complete control of my life.  And He has the most spectacular plan for me – even when, especially when, I can’t see it in the moment.

Recently, I have begun to realize how stubborn I can be.  He is always there for me – calling out to me, reaching out to me with arms wide open longing to embrace me.  Yet I refuse to listen.  I refuse to run to Him, to turn to Him with everything.  He knows all already.  So why not just tell Him?  I have begun to tell Him everything.  All aspects of my life, including my desires, dreams, insecurities, feelings. . . even when I’m not happy with Him.  I am furious about my life sometimes; I tell Him.  And He is like that man in the movies who just holds the girl, loving her, while she is screaming and beating him.  There is nothing I can do to ever make Him leave me.  He will always be there for me.  Regardless.  Even when everyone else fails me and hurts me.  And that is the most comforting thought.  I’ve got God.  Even when I’m not listening.  Even when I’m running away.  Even when I’m doubting.  He is there.  Arms wide open.

Her Morning Elegance

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case

Soon she’s down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up

And she fights for her life
as she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
as it pours
And she fights for her life
as she goes in a store
with a thought she has caught
by a thread
she pays for the bread
and she goes…
Nobody knows

Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love

And she fights for her life
as she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
as it pours
And she fights for her life
as she goes in a store
with a thought she has caught
by a thread
she pays for the bread
and she goes…
Nobody knows

And she fights for her life
as she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
as it pours
And she fights for her life
as she goes in a store
where the people are pleasantly
strange
and counting the
change
as she goes…
Nobody knows

– Oren Lavie

This song is really touching me right now. . . probably because it references fighting for life and rain.  I am fighting to feel right now – to live my life to the fullest.  It is incredibly hard and emotional; God is holding me close.  He alone is my strength – the way I make it through my days.  He is my comfort.  He is my peace.  He is my hope.  He uses metaphors to connect with me sometimes.  Rain is always a powerful metaphor in my life.  Depending on the situation, it can mean so many different things.  I love the rain.