Behind Your Eyes

If you let your feelings go, dear
It’s scary what you’ll find
I find I’m on your street, dear
And you’re always on my mind

And no one needs to know
That you let me in tonight
That you let me see the world behind your eyes
Behind your eyes

I want to see us work, dear
To reach the other side
Our treachery is love, dear
We’re on both ends of the fight

We’re fighting for ourselves
We’re fighting for our lives
Would you let me see the world behind your eyes
Behind your eyes
Behind your eyes

And no one needs to know
How scared we are tonight
Would you let me see the world
Won’t you let me see the world behind your eyes
Behind your eyes
Behind your eyes

The lyrics to this song really struck me while I was attempting to study this afternoon.  I have a friend who is hurt, bothered, frustrated, and annoyed that I don’t open up.  Honestly, it hurts me that I struggle to open up to my friends too.  I think my friend would agree that this song voices his desire.  He cares about me more than I am able to realize and admit sometimes.  And that realization kills me because I long to trust him.  I care about him too.  I know he is my friend; he will be there for me.  Regardless.

You Found Me

Music touches me in a way that is truly indescribable.  This song echoes the cries of my heart at times. . .

You Found Me – The Fray

I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, Where you been?
He said, Ask anything.

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who’s ever known
Who I am
Who I’m not, and who I want to be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

Early morning
The city breaks
I’ve been calling
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve
Taking all I want

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you, where were you?

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

Why’d you have to wait
To find me, to find me?

Sometimes I feel as if God isn’t there.  As if He isn’t listening to me.  As if He doesn’t care.  I don’t understand what goes on in my life.  Why life happens the way it does.  Sometimes I feel as if life is all falling down around me.  Yet, I have learned from experience that God is always there for me.  He is always in complete control of my life.  And He has the most spectacular plan for me – even when, especially when, I can’t see it in the moment.

Recently, I have begun to realize how stubborn I can be.  He is always there for me – calling out to me, reaching out to me with arms wide open longing to embrace me.  Yet I refuse to listen.  I refuse to run to Him, to turn to Him with everything.  He knows all already.  So why not just tell Him?  I have begun to tell Him everything.  All aspects of my life, including my desires, dreams, insecurities, feelings. . . even when I’m not happy with Him.  I am furious about my life sometimes; I tell Him.  And He is like that man in the movies who just holds the girl, loving her, while she is screaming and beating him.  There is nothing I can do to ever make Him leave me.  He will always be there for me.  Regardless.  Even when everyone else fails me and hurts me.  And that is the most comforting thought.  I’ve got God.  Even when I’m not listening.  Even when I’m running away.  Even when I’m doubting.  He is there.  Arms wide open.

Hold On

Life has been a battle recently.  Whenever I’m weary and weak, this song reminds me to fight.  To rest in His peace.  To rely on His strength.  And to listen to His voice.

Hold On – Flame

Say – Say – Say

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a warrior

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a beast

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, just look at your neighbor say

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a beast

This walk it ain’t easy/Matter of fact it gets hard/You’ve enlisted for war/The battleground is your heart/It’s going to be some stress and strain/And discomfort and involved/But my advice to you homie is to make your resolve/To fight for your joy/In God’s keeping grace/So at the end you can say like Paul that I‘ve kept the Faith/You see the way is hard/Cause narrow is the gate/And those who find it are few/I’m praying you complete the race/But yet his yoke is easy/And His burdens are light/But that’s the fight for us to rest and find in Him delight/You see our self reliance and self exaltation/Is still pacing in our souls as we battle with Satan/You see it’s unbelief that spring from our sinful pride/That straight denies that what God supplies can really satisfy/But God is working for us even though we hate the struggle/In decisions make the one’s that strengthen your Faith muscle

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a warrior

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a beast

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, look at your neighbor say

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a beast

I been crucified with Christ so it’s no longer I who live/But it’s… Christ who’s living inside your boy/Now my whole life’s defined by dying/To the praise of my God as I fight for joy/It’s getting bloody as I pluck out eyes/Matthew 5:29 flat our war (on the flesh)/To set my mind on the flesh is death/Gotta keep my mind set on the Spirit of course/Plus Satan came to kill and destroy (and steal)/Steal sheep from being the children of God (Amen)/Let my relationship run real deep (oh Lord)/How deep? All the way to the core/We’re in this process/Of making progress/Sanctification is taking place in our mindset/Cause we were united with Christ when He resurrected/Now we can reflect with the power of God

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a warrior

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a beast

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, look at your neighbor say

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a beast

You see this new life/It comes with new rules/You’re a new born baby/You’re fresh out of the womb/The Holy Spirit of God has given you new birth/Now your Father’s the Trinity you’re apart of the church/And all the church is – is the body of Christ/Jesus is the head of this organism giving it life/You see it’s one body, but yet it’s many members/Nothing but plenty sinners/Given His grace then He cleanse us/Man we need each other/The hand can’t say to the feet/That I don’t need you if I despise my eyes then I can’t see/So if one member suffers we suffer across the globe/So if my nose is broken then we’ll dysfunction-ally grow/So we must kill all individual talk/We’re all necessary visible invisible parts/So being in isolation only leads to more of sin/Don’t hurt the covenant like the cutting of foreskin

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a warrior

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a beast

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, look at your neighbor say

Hold on, He’s strong

Hold on, cause our God is a beast

Don’t you ever give up! (Repeat)

And suddenly. . .

it isn’t what it used to be.  This line is a lyric from one of my favorite songs.  I think that it characterizes my life because my life is constantly changing.  Or maybe just my perspective of my life is undergoing constant revision.  Regardless,  nothing remains the same.  Ever.  Sometimes this is a result of a realization.  Sometimes it is a result of my life literally changing.  Today was a change through realization.  I realized some underlying fears this morning.  Some insecurities.  And a worldview of doubt.  I am afraid to pursue my dreams.  To be who I am.  To what God is telling me to do.  What if it doesn’t work out?  What if I end up alone?  What if I get hurt?  What if I lose my friends?  What if?  What if. . . ?

The hypothetical is crowding my mind, suppressing the delight and joy I normally have about my passions and calling.  These fears and insecurities cripple and hinder me, both in what I actually do and in my relationship with God.  I have ceased to trust that God is in control.  I don’t really believe that He will take care of me.  I am attempting to control my life, even if that means causing myself pain.  Why?  Because I know how to deal with pain.  I fight against accepting the gifts and blessings of God.  And now that I have realized this, I can and will fight to accept.  To trust.  To surrender myself, especially my logical side.  God is speaking to me; will I listen?  Will I believe?

Suddenly

She feels lost in her own life
Treading water just to keep from slipping under
And she wonders if she’s where she’s supposed to be

Tired of trying to do it right
Her dreams are just to far away to see how steps she’s making
Might be taking her to who she’ll be

CHORUS
And suddenly it isn’t what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly I am where I’m supposed to be
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here

She feels locked in her own life
Scared of what she might lose if she moves away from who she was
And she’s afraid of being free

There’s a way she knows is right
She can’t feel the things she knows
And so each step she’s taking is a step of faith toward who she’ll be…

And here where the night is dark
It’s black
She feels the fear
And the light is farthest back
And through her tears
She can’t see the dawn is coming
Skies will clear
And the light will find her where she’s always been…

-Superchic[k]

Her Morning Elegance

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case

Soon she’s down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up

And she fights for her life
as she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
as it pours
And she fights for her life
as she goes in a store
with a thought she has caught
by a thread
she pays for the bread
and she goes…
Nobody knows

Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love

And she fights for her life
as she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
as it pours
And she fights for her life
as she goes in a store
with a thought she has caught
by a thread
she pays for the bread
and she goes…
Nobody knows

And she fights for her life
as she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
as it pours
And she fights for her life
as she goes in a store
where the people are pleasantly
strange
and counting the
change
as she goes…
Nobody knows

– Oren Lavie

This song is really touching me right now. . . probably because it references fighting for life and rain.  I am fighting to feel right now – to live my life to the fullest.  It is incredibly hard and emotional; God is holding me close.  He alone is my strength – the way I make it through my days.  He is my comfort.  He is my peace.  He is my hope.  He uses metaphors to connect with me sometimes.  Rain is always a powerful metaphor in my life.  Depending on the situation, it can mean so many different things.  I love the rain.