I’m still pregnant.
My due date, March 25th, came and passed rather uneventfully much to my dismay.
I never ever once even considered that I would be overdue. I had always assumed that I would give birth to my daughter earlier than her due date. After all, I was born early. Why wouldn’t she?
Apparently, she is quite comfortable in her home and more than a little unwilling to leave, though she is beginning to run out of space. Her latest hobby is punching my cervix, resulting in sharp twinges of pain that make me flinch. Though I have long since given up on wondering whether or not every contraction is the beginning of early labor or just Braxton Hicks, I do have a small (and ever diminishing) hope that I will spontaneously go into labor and not have to be induced next week. Only time will tell. Until then, I am attempting to not be too discouraged about still being pregnant and distracting myself with the company of friends. I must admit, having time off of work and seeing people that I love isn’t such a bad thing; in fact, it is rather delightful.
I often worry about priorities and what is important in life. I make to-do lists; I get frustrated with myself when I don’t accomplish what I have deemed to be reasonable (and usually isn’t); I worry about little, minute details of life; I stress about almost everything. What does all that worry and stress and driven perfectionism accomplish? Do I actually think that I am always doing what is important?
In fact, I often feel like I have wasted my days. For instance, I spent almost three hours in Target this morning agonizing over the purchase of some baby clothes. Three hours! Are those clothes that important? Definitely not. But I certainly acted like they were. I spent 1/8 of my day worrying about them. I made them that important rather than focusing on things that are truly important (not the fifty-six cents I saved by using my 10% off coupon and carefully selecting the ideal baby dress).
However, rather than beat myself up about it any more than I already have, I found this quote.
This helped me realize that while I consciously have decided that I waste time stressing and worrying and being a perfectionist, I unconsciously have decided that those activities are important because I spend my life doing them. However, this is something that I want to change. I want to relax and be more flexible and spontaneous. And I want to enjoy my life more, after all, I am exchanging part of my life for everything that I do, so I should make it worthwhile.