Let the countdown begin!

1 day until the h2o picnic and Peter’s baptism!

2 days until I begin to write my first novel.

2 days until 2 quizzes, 1 exam, and 1 ten page paper.

3 days until I spend all day in Ann Arbor.

3 days until MAL COMES HOME!!!

4 days until the last time I play in band.

5 days until my SPAN 202 final.

5 days until the fusion core party!

7 days until my last day of work.

7 days until my HIST 401 final.

8 days until another 10-12 page paper.

8 days until my MUCT 237 final.

8 days until FREEDOM!!!  And yes, I am counting down.  🙂

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Internal Realization

My voice.

I have one.

But I don’t use it.

Why?

I want to.  I want to stand up for myself.  I want to speak out for issues I care about.  I want to open up to my friends, the people I trust.  I want to write.

I had my voice taken away.

How?

Abuse.  Emotional abuse from my family.  For years.  Still.  Emotional physical, sexual abuse from my exboyfriend.  My voice and opinion did not matter.  It was not heard.  I lost it.  Because it was taken away.

And now.  Now I have to find it.

And use it.

Open up.  Stop isolating myself and internalizing.  Take risks.  Trust people.

Let my voice be heard.  Through writing.  I must not be afraid.  Or shy.  Or hesitant.

I have a voice.  I have something valuable to say.  I am valuable.  Full of worth.  And so is my voice.

Un Poema

Escape.
Una alternativa
Percepción
De realidad.
Mis pensamientos.

Corriendo.
El fijo ritmo
De mis pies
Pegando el pavimento
Ordena mis pensamientos aislados.

Andando.
Disfrutando de la naturaleza.
Especialmente en City Park.
Cambiando escenas
Me permite la mente deambular.

Leyendo.
Libros, literatura,
Me dicen cuentos.
Puedo relatar.
Mi mente está absorta.

Escribiendo.
Escribiendo en mi diario
Mis pensamientos.
Diciendo
Un cuento.

Observando.
Sentando en un café.
La gente
Pasa
Muriéndose del ajetreo y bullicio de la vida.

Sola.
Todavía no estoy sola.
Anónimo en una multitud.
Me escapo
En mis pensamientos, las absorciones y andaduras de mi mente.

For my Spanish 202 class, my professor decided to have us write a poem for composition 2.  The previous is my eloquent attempt at being a poet.  I’ll provide a translation (or rather, the original because I wrote it in English and translated it into Spanish).  I will admit that I wrote this poem during my ENG 434 class on San Francisco Renaissance Poets while we were discussing spontaneous composition.  Thinking about spontaneous writing and juxtaposing images definitely influenced my poem as you will read.  Enjoy.  🙂

Escape.
An alternative
Perception
Of reality.
My thoughts.

Running.
The steady rhythm
Of my feet
Pounding on the pavement
Orders my wandering thoughts.

Walking.
Enjoying nature
Especially City Park.
Changing scenes
Allow my mind to wander.

Reading.
Books, literature
Tell me stories.
I can relate.
My mind is absorbed.

Writing.
Journaling
My thoughts.
Telling
A story.

Observing.
Sitting in a coffee shop.
People
Passing
Caught up in the hustle and bustle of life.

Alone.
Yet not alone.
Anonymous in a crowd.
I escape
In my thoughts, the absorptions and wanderings of my mind.

Post-Neo-Colonialism

So today has been a good day.  I feel quite accomplished.  Why?  Because I made up a new word.

Post-neo-colonialism.

And what does that mean?  Well, it is studying the affects of the economic, political, and cultural domination of one country by another to put it simply.  You see, I had to give a presentation on Septembers of Shiraz today in my postcolonial literature class.  It tells the story of a family living in Shiraz, Iran during the Iranian Revolution.  While researching the book and thinking of topics to present on, I was intrigued.  Why was my class studying Septembers of Shiraz?  Iran was never colonized.  No foreign country had ever invaded and decided that the people would be subject to its government.  If Iran was never colonized, how could we study it in a postcolonial lit class?  Postcolonialism is the study of the affects of colonization on the colonized nation.  Well the answer was that Iran was neo-colonized.  Neo-colonialism is the economic, political, and cultural domination of one country by another.  The spread of globalization has eased the way for neo-colonization.  And to study the affects of neo-colonialism would be to study post-neo-colonialism.  I think it works.  And my professor loved it.  Which is really all that matters.  She said that my friends and I gave an excellent presentation and personally thanked me for discussing post-neo-colonialism.  🙂  Today was a good day.

Psalm 5

I asked John to read a Psalm a day with me last night.  He said he would think about it.  I hope that he does.  We need to focus on You and encourage each other in our relationships with You.  But, even if he doesn’t decide to read Psalms with me, I have decided to read a Psalm a day.  Today is Psalm 5 – the 5th day of my relationship with John.

I baked a cake for John last night and gave me a card and gift as well.  He really appreciated it.  And he loved his gift!!!  That made me happy.  I was a little nervous to give it to him because I haven’t really given him anything before.  And I hoped he would like it, but I wasn’t sure if he would not like it or make a big deal about it or something.  But he loved it.  Unfortunately, I was sick last night, so that wasn’t much fun.  But my boyfriend was understanding.  He is a good man.  And he loves me.  He is committed to me.  This is for real.  And I couldn’t be happier.  Emily Davis said I was glowing on Saturday night.  I was.  Still am.  Because I am dating my best friend.

life in technicolor ii

Ok, so I awoke quite early this morning to finish and proofread a paper on the resistance and subversion of mainstream culture by San Francisco Renaissance poets that is due at 10:30.  While sitting in Starbucks (yes, caffeine was essential to the success of this endeavor), my friend sent me a link to a video through gmail chat.  I decided to take a momentary repreive from my writing and view it.  Hilarious.  I happen to really enjoy Coldplay, especially their latest album because it reminds me of this past summer.  Yes.  Anyway, my mind is completely absorded in the concept of spontaneity as a response to rationality and logic, so I’ll keep this brief before I bore you all with the details. . . just thought I’d share the video.  🙂