I talked with a friend last night. I enjoyed it immensely. Our conversation was very refreshing and relaxing. I have an amazing friend who really cares. I can be completely real with him; I can be myself. And be vulnerable. Not only does this friend put up with ridiculousness and pestering from me, he isn’t afraid to speak truth into my life. He has an incredible, somewhat terrifying gift. I’ve only gotten a glimpse of his gift and the way he will impact the world, but it is beyond incredible. I lack the proper adjective to describe it. I wish I were not so limited by language right now. I simply can not describe my thoughts and perceptions. It is amazing to watch him turn to God and grow. God has a ridiculously awesome and thoroughly spectacular plan for his life. Honestly, I’m as excited for his future as I am for mine.
Speaking of which, I allowed myself to dream today. To really just dream about my life. Where I could go. What I could do. What I am passionate about. What I love. What I am called to do. God has a truly awesome plan for my life. I do not fully grasp how He wants to use me to impact the world; but He does. However, all too often, I am limited. By myself. By my fear. By my insecurity. I like to attempt to control my life, but I only end up sabotaging my own plans. I thank God that His plans and thoughts are not my plans and thoughts. He speaks to me and tells me what I should do, then proceeds to ask me if I am willing to actually trust Him and do it. Not gonna lie, it is often very difficult requiring faith that I sometimes am unaware that I had. It is so difficult because it demands that I be vulnerable. That I share my life and my heart with people. That I pour myself out to them and into their lives, giving them the ability and potential to hurt me. It is scary. Actually a better word is terrifying. Yet, when I have been vulnerable, it has been oh so rewarding. Recently I have seen how my vulnerability can affect and impact people. God uses it to encourage people. Having seen that, there is no way that I can continue to allow myself to be so self-absorbed that I deny people the encouragement. After all, my life really isn’t about me. It is about what God can and will do through me. The only way that anyone else can see that is if I am vulnerable enough to show them. So I will fight to be vulnerable. Yes, I’ll inevitably get hurt. It is ok. I have a Daddy who will wrap His arms around me and comfort me with a peace that surpasses understanding. He will carry me and be my strength when I am too weary or weak to continue. There is a fierce beauty in my brokenness because it allows God to show through me. My dream for my life is that the world can see God and His love in and through me. It is that simple.